A Rebuttal of Myself
I recently made a post about age, the brevity of life, and the passing of time.
In that post I made seven statements about myself, my life, my thoughts about the time that’s passed and the time I have left.
As I thought more about each of those statements, I realized that I needed to make another post, a rebuttal of each point I had made.
Each of the seven statements was made from within a mental and emotional circle of darkness. As I’ve learned to do over the last year and a half, I now need to look at each statement from a different perspective, and rebut it from within a mental and emotional circle of light.
I hope, if you find yourself thinking similar thoughts, this rebuttal will help draw you out of darkness into the light as well. Let’s jump into the seven statements.
“There’s so much I still want to experience and accomplish.”
This is a true statement. But, I can’t neglect how much I’ve already experienced and accomplished in my life. I’ve been blessed with professional success, financial comfort, opportunities to visit nearly all 50 states and live in many different places, and travel more than many people do. I may not have experienced and accomplished as much as some, but I've experienced and accomplished more than others, and gratitude should be my response.
"I'm so far behind where I thought I'd be at this age."
So far behind what? Any expectations, benchmarks, or goals that I feel I’ve not yet achieved are entirely self-imposed. Maybe I’m right where I’m supposed to be at my age. And maybe I should celebrate that instead.
“The strongest, healthiest years of my life are likely already behind me.”
Physically speaking, yes there’s truth to this statement. I’ll never again be as I was in my 20’s and 30’s. But with just a few adjustments, It’s very possible for me to be stronger and healthier in the next decade of life than I am right now. It’s not a matter of inevitability, it’s a matter of choice and self-discipline.
“Both of my parents died in their early 70’s and I’m less than 16 years away from that decade of life which means I’m less than six years away from what could be my final decade to accomplish and experience everything.”
I’m assuming a correlation between my parent’s life-span and mine. If I just step back another generation, all of my grandparents lived well into their 80’s. I’m healthier, and have already aged much slower than my parents. It’s certainly within the realm of possibility that I could have another 50 years of life ahead.
If I spend the next 20 years living as if I have only have 20 years left, I’ll be filled with even more regret for the next 30 years after my 74th birthday. I should begin now, expecting to live for another 50 years and plan accordingly, instead of planning to die in 20.
“If I’d only done things much differently in my 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, perhaps I wouldn’t be having this anxiety in my 50's.”
Would haves, could haves, and should haves, even should not haves serve no purpose and keep me in a pattern of regret and self-abasement. I have so much opportunity to live my life, right now, the way I should and could, so that when I’m 104 I can look back and feel pleased with and proud of the final 50 years of my time on earth.
“Can I really face what’s going to happen to me physically and mentally in the rapidly approaching future?”
Again, I’m assuming the worst based upon what I witnessed happen to other people. I very well could maintain a clear, healthy mind and reasonably healthy body for the next 50 years and die without suffering. Again, much of that is up to me, my choices, my self-discipline. If my mind and body do fail, and if I do suffer in my final days, months, years, I can find the strength to endure with grace, just as I’ve endured other hardships and difficulties throughout life.
“I’ll have no children, or grandchildren at my bedside when I take my last breath.”
This is certainly true, as all three of my children left this life long ago and are waiting for me in the next one. I may not have children and grandchildren grieving my death, but if I live my live well, loving and serving everyone around me, others will grieve my passing, and reflect on the light, and love, and goodness I brought into their lives.
Throughout life we all move back and forth between, into and out of, mental and emotional circles of light and darkness. When we find ourselves caught up in a circle of darkness, we must learn the art of illumination, looking for the light in every dark thought or circumstance, embracing the light, living within and out of the light, and arresting every thought, feeling, and action that attempts to keep us trapped within, or draw us back into the darkness.